Bridging the Gap

Sorry I've been gone so long! Bronchitis is such a real thing..

But basically this past year I’ve met an entirely new group of amazing people. People who I want to spend time with. But what I’m struggling with lately is trying to bridge the gap between the different groups of friends. What happens when some of my friends want me to go out to a party and my other friends just want to stay in and have a movie night. Both sound pretty appealing right? But I end up going to the party instead. Sure, I have a great time, but I’m sure I would have had a great time at home on my couch as well. And while I was out that night, I just had this weird feeling and I realized that it was guilt. I felt guilty for choosing one group over the other. And I realized what held me back from choosing to stay in. It was this sense of loyalty. For no other reason than that I’ve been friends with one group longer. I felt pressured to keep them happy.

In a perfect world, these two groups would ideally mesh and all become one big BFF family, right?

But on the other hand, you like having them separate. So what do you do? Well the natural peace-keeper in me says split your time. But what if one group challenges you to be a better version of you? What if the quality of friendship isn’t as great within one group but you still love them all the same?

It’s tough. Believe me, I know.

So the next time you’re torn, here’s my advice.

Do what you’re going to enjoy. Do what you think is the best choice. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t try to rationalize your decision (to yourself or to anyone else).

It’s your life. Live it your way.

I’ve spent a very long time warring with myself over this and finally I realized…it doesn’t matter! Your decision on one weekend will (most likely) NOT change the course of your entire life. So do what you want. Have a drink. Watch a movie. Maybe do both together. But do what makes you happy.

And most of all: Don’t do anything just because you feel like you owe someone.

DON’T BE A SAMANTHA. I REPEAT: DO NOT BE A SAMANTHA.

{[In case this makes no sense to my non-Sex and the City addicts, Samantha was with her boyfriend Smith for a couple of years and finally realized that they were drifting apart. Not by any fault of their own, but because sometimes that just happens. But she tried to rationalize to herself that because Smith had stayed with her through Chemo, she should stay with him through anything.

DON’T COMPARE YOUR FRIENDSHIP LIKE CHEMO. DON’T BE A SAMANTHA.

 

At the end of the day, the only person you owe anything to is yourself. You owe it to yourself to be the best and happiest version of you and you do this by putting yourself first. You rock. Now go buy yourself something nice. And work it.

Long Distance Friendships

So we know all about long-distance relationships, I know that I rant about them plenty. And there’s a ton of self-help articles on how to make them work and keep them strong. But what about your friends who are just as important to you as your SO? How do you keep those friendships just as strong as your relationship? Well here are just a few tips that my best friend and I stick to in order to keep the friendship fire blazing.

First of all everyone, meet Sydney Leigh.

She is a beautiful, strong, driven, sorority woman who has also held the title of my bestest, closest, and dearest friend for over 7 years now.

1. Articles

            If you find a great one that reminds you of your best friend, SHOW HER! Put it on her Facebook, tweet it at her, email it to her. Do it however your means allow, but just make sure you show her. Believe me, nothing feels better than getting a notification of something your best friend has sent you. And if you don’t know where to find them, try this one or this one for starters.

2. Pictures of hot men

            Nothing says “I miss you!” more than a nice picture of a hot man (preferably holding a puppy) posted all over her Facebook.

3. Random texts

            It’s amazing what a simple “I hope you have a great day!” text can do to turn around your best friend’s day.

4. Snapchats

            This is pretty self-explanatory. If you and your best friend are anywhere near as close as Syd and I then you should have no reservations when it comes to sending the ugly selfie, because your best friend loves you and won’t ever judge you. (Side note: best friends also love the drunken snapchats as well.)

5. Facebook messenger

            Keep a running conversation! I currently have one of these with 3 of my close friends here at school. We don’t get to see each other all the time, but we’re still in touch with one another. Syd and I have one too. This is especially great if you aren't supposed to be texting in class but the professor has no clue what’s going on on the other side of your computer screen.

6. Skype/Facetime

            This one is also pretty self-explanatory. Sometimes just texting just doesn't get all the emotion across. You have to see your friend’s face when she talks about that guy that you both have hated ever since freshman year. It makes your conversation 10 times better I promise.

7. Go see them!

            And finally, if you can, just go see them. All of these tips are nothing compared to the feeling you get when you hug your best friend after being away for a long time.

 While Syd and I are lucky enough to be able to see each other whenever I go home to see my family, I know that not everyone has that opportunity.  I seriously hope that if you didn't already use these tips, you will now. I promise you, it’s just the little things that can keep your friendships just as strong as your relationships.

Sex and the City: Chicago Style

So ever since I was first introduced to the world that is Sex and the City, I've always wanted to be in a group of women who resemble the roles that they portray. And who hasn't? But lately as I've been watching the movies and reruns to further my procrastination (even though we’re barely a week into the semester,) I realized that some of my friendships actually do resemble “The Ladies Who Lunch.” While we don't live in New York, we still live in a big city. So consider this SATC: Chicago Style.

Samantha: Carrie Bradshaw

     First off: let’s be real. We ALLLLL want to be able to say that we are the Carrie of the group, but if I’m being fair to myself and my friends. I know that Carrie in our situation would actually be Samantha (not the one from the show) (wow this is gonna get confusing). Outside of the 10 year relationship with Mr. Big that is a constant back-story with her character (unless Sam is actually hiding some Tall, Dark and Handsome man in her closet) she pretty much embodies Carrie perfectly. She is driven, beautiful, thoughtful, trustworthy, and always has her friends in mind. It is also quite appropriate that Sam is also a writer. She’s gonna be a published best-selling, Pulitzer Prize-winning author within 5 years, sitting in the front row of fashion week rubbing elbows with those who wish they were as awesome as her and rich as her. So be on the look out everyone: Samantha Reid-Bradshaw.

Maggie: Samantha Jones

     When I think of Samantha I think of Maggie. She has no reservations about sex and is very confident with her sexuality. Maggie is very driven and invested in whatever she is involved in. While she isn't the oldest of our group, she's been through more than anyone her age has ever had to, making her well-versed in the game of life. Because of her strong will and determination she clearly embodies the essence of Samantha.

Juliet: Miranda Hobbes

     While I think that no one ever really wants to be Miranda, I think that my friend Juliet is a great modern-day spin on her character. She is so loyal and so strong, yet also has that very realistic outlook on relationships. Not that she doesn't believe in love, but just maybe that it’s not for her right now and that relationships aren't always for everyone. Also, Miranda is very career focused. Seeing as how Juliet is unfortunately (for me) graduating almost a full year earlier than she planned, she now has to rearrange her life plans in order to start planning for her career and life post-grad. Also! Fun fact: Miranda was also the first to purchase an apartment in the series which will be Juliet once she leaves us to be a "real-adult" and be in the "real world". 

      

Me: Charlotte York Goldenblatt

          Alright, so initially I felt that I was most like Miranda, but after some soul-searching (aka: talking to Sam) I guess I really am more of a Charlotte. I have high hopes and dreams of lavish lifestyles, an ideal of the man I want to marry, and a huge dream of the way I want my life to play out. After all this however, I’m still considered the prude of the group. I love sex, don’t get me wrong, but talking about it is just not my style. It’s just weird to me! But I digress. We’ll save that for another day. I border on the line of optimist/realist very regularly and I think that “meaningless sex” is a little confusing, but hey, more power to you. Not to say that my friends don’t believe in true love, but seeing as how my current relationship is the age of a toddler, I’d say that I’m true romantic in every possible sense.

At the end of the day, these are the women that have stuck with me, gotten me through some tough times, and will be the ones I turn to whenever I need them even as we go on our own paths through life in this beautiful city.

Stay tuned for more updates from Sex and the City: Chicago Style.

Big Love

So even though  I've been with my boyfriend Sean for over 4 and a half years, sometimes I still consider myself a hopeless romantic. (This makes no sense I know) But I just love a good love story! I love hearing about other people’s happiness and how they met and started dating- all of it, everything. I live for this stuff. But basically I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship Sean and just how much it’s grown over the past couple years. And it’s an amazing feeling. Being in a strong supportive relationship is something that I wish for everyone (even if it is long-distance). It seems like every day I have someone talking to me about my relationship and how they just love us and we’re so cute and perfect and we’re just their favorite couple. It’s a little overwhelming sometimes but at the same time, I love it. I love hearing that people admire our relationship. It’s really flattering and like I said, I live for this stuff!

Having said that, I must admit my newest obsession which is Courtney Loves Dallas. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out here. She's funny, down to earth, and my new favorite style inspiration. In one of the most recent episodes she talks about her love life and what her dream man would be and how she would meet him and she says “I want the MAGIC!” She basically wants to meet her dream man in a Starbucks when they both reach for the same drink because they both coincidentally ordered Skinny Vanilla Lattes with no whip. She wants this big love yet still have it be serendipitous. I thought for a long time that that was what I wanted. Not necessarily with another guy, just because I sincerely love Sean with every molecule in me, but I wanted the magic too! I was wishing for something that probably wasn't even real. And it took some tough love from my wonderful friend Samantha to help me realize that. All these books and movies I see have this huge romanticized idea of romance (woah, that was redundant but you get the idea) Sometimes you have to bring your head back down out of the clouds to realize how great you already have it! There are definitely times when I wish that I had met Sean in a more romantic or serendipitous way like on the train or at a coffee shop or even just out on Michigan Avenue because I live in this big, amazing city so I should have a big, amazing love! But at the same time, I wouldn't change a thing about my relationship. Yes I would love the chic city life and being spoiled by a rich broker man who drives a Audi, lives in a beautiful high-rise overlooking the city, living the life of luxury, and who knows? Maybe I’ll get there one day, but if I do, I want it to be with Sean. I have huge dreams of what our life could be together but for right now, I am absolutely more than content with what I have. Our time together is limited as it is, so just having lazy Sundays and weekends in with the man I love playing Lego Batman on the Xbox and cuddling all night long is more than enough for me. I see how my life could be in the future, but I have to remember that I am still so young, I’m still in school and I have plenty of time ahead of me to make my dreams come true. 

"New Year, New Me"

"New Year, New Me"

I know we've all heard this, but I think what we should really be saying is more along the lines of:

"New Year, Same Me, Just Better".

This year I want to have goals. Not resolutions, but goals. I want to have aims and ideals and work to reach them. I've read that it’s proven that when someone not only writes their goals down, but also shares them with other people, they are more likely to achieve them. So I’m looking to whoever reads this to hold me accountable.

 

1.     Love myself more: I spent the bulk/majority of 2013 filled with self-hate. Whether it was self-deprecating jokes or just loathing getting out of bed because of the eternal dread of looking in the mirror. But this year I am really trying to focus on the positive (and so far so good!). I am beautiful. I am my own person. I’m learning to love myself. And I will continue to do so. I've realized that I really need to focus on this before anything else.

2.     Choose to be healthy: not because it’s a new year or a fad diet, but because it’s an extension of loving myself. I want to strive to be healthy not skinny.

3.     Stop comparing myself to other people: this one is pretty self-explanatory. Walking down Michigan Avenue every day I constantly catch myself looking at other women comparing my body to theirs. It’s time for that to stop. Looking at the people around me one thing, but comparing myself to them has to stop and I’m really working on it.

4.     Get a second job: right now I’m working a minimum wage job, 12 hours a week- which: after you do the math and take out the taxes-- is not a lot. this now leads us into #5

5.     Work to get the things I want: aka: clothes and shoes and lots of them. I have a wish list that is growing every day and they’re things that I really want to get myself. My dad has a new job and wants to get new things for me, but I don’t want him to. I want to work for the satisfaction of being able to say that I did it on my own.

6.     Stick with this blog: I really love the feeling that I got after my first post and I’m really motivated to stick with this. Even if no one ever reads it. I’m proud of myself for saying that I wanted to do something and sticking to it.

7.     Enjoy life without fear of the future: Life is moving forward if we’re ready for it or not. People change. Friendships end. People leave. Things change. I’ve recently realized that in a little over a year I will be either entering the “real world” *internally freaking out* or continuing my education and that sort of terrifies me. But I know that I have to keep moving and living my life because if I let fear paralyze me, I could possibly miss some great opportunities.

These are all real goals that I know I can reach and I hope that by putting them out there for everyone to see I’ll be able to achieve them!

Here goes nothing

Soooooo this is my first ever blog post and seeing as I’m snowed into my apartment and everything is closed tomorrow due to the “Polar Vortex”, I guess I can stop procrastinating it.

I suppose I could just stick with the theme of New Years and all that jazz. After the way 2013 turned out, I’m just trying to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. In the interest of not being vague or cryptic, I’ll give you a quick rundown of 2013.

January: My grandmother had a brain aneurysm that ruptured and was hospitalized for a month.

(Note: After a few major brain surgeries, she’s doing just fine now!)

March: One of my childhood friends was killed.

June: My best friend’s mother passed away.

June: My own mother became very sick and was in the hospital for 2 weeks.

(Note: she’s not back 100% yet, but we’re getting there.)

December: My dad moved to Florida two days after Christmas for a job.

Basically 2013 kicked my ass, but I am still standing (quite proudly I might add) with the help my friends, sisters, boyfriend, family, and my faith.

At first I wanted to go into 2014 with the attitude that “I deserve to have a good year because my 2013 was so shitty.” But after talking to my wonderful friend Samantha and doing some really deep reflecting while sitting on my nice couch here, I’ve realized that this world doesn’t owe me a damn thing. And sure, I had a terrible year, but maybe so did the next guy. So what makes me so much more deserving of a good year than the next person? Nothing. This is why I’m working really hard to try to scrap that attitude.

Now, I am going into this year with the attitude of “I know what I want, I know what I deserve, I know how to get those things,  but no one owes me anything.” For those reasons, I will work my ass off to get what is mine and make this year the best it can be.

I am going to take this clean slate and write my story all over it. I will keep my chin held high and know that the only thing that can stand in my way is me. I have my goals. I know what they are and how I want to tackle them. They are tangible, they are attainable, and they are mine. They are what are going to be the driving force behind me, pushing me forward through this coming year. I survived and I’ll continue to survive.

**Destiny’s Child “I’m a Survivor” plays dramatically in the background**

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